Alignment Pathways

They’re handsome, mysterious, charming, and charismatic; they’re sweet, thoughtful and romantic. They make you feel like you’re the most beautiful person on the planet. They will look at you like you’re a god, and they have waited their entire life to find someone like you. They shower you with affection, compliments, attention and gifts. They listen to you, mirroring back your values, and echoing everything you want out of life. They feel like a dream come true, like the person you’ve been waiting your whole life for. They feel like fate.

You tell yourself this is the one for you. You finally found your person. This is the love you’ve always needed. You’ve never been happier to hand yourself to anyone. So you do just that.

For a while everything is perfect, it feels to good to be true. Then you start noticing little changes, small slips, and what seem like inconsequential red flags, easy to ignore. Other than the small things, they’re perfect, you ignore your gut feelings and write it off; they’re only human after all, nobody is perfect. They apologize using the most beautiful words you’ve ever heard, and remind you of all of the good that made you fall in love with them. Then, they step back up, they do better, and make you feel like it’s safe to be vulnerable again. So you do, you settle back into the comfort of life, you forgive and move forward.

As soon as you settle into life with them again, another red flag pops up. Maybe they got insecure about something you did and without even thinking about it, and they say you hurt them. They prey on your empathy, using it to play a more convincing victim. You find yourself feeling confused and guilty for hurting them, questioning if what you did really was intentional, wondering if maybe you are a bad person. You question yourself more, you seem to stay confused on how you did yet another thing wrong, you begin questioning yourself, and your memory. Before you even have a chance to understand, you’re filled with self doubt, questioning your values and who you even are, drowning in a storm they created.

You begin walking on eggshells, and tiptoeing, being so cautious to not hurt them like that again. Your home starts to feel like a land mine, every step you take is calculated and careful as to not set off another bomb. Only to witness the bomb explode anyway.

You start to feel defeated, like no matter how lightly you tread, there’s always impending warfare. You start to feel broken, and you confide in the person responsible for it all, you lay it all out there and tell them that something has to change, you can’t keep holding on to a relationship that makes you so miserable.

They surprise you this time, they listen, they hear you out, it feels like they finally understand. They apologize, they do better, they become the peace you’ve been missing. They show you the person you fell in love with in the beginning, reminding you that they’re still there.

You start to relax, you feel like for the first time in a while, you can take a deep breath. You breathe for a little bit, and when you take the calmest breath you’ve taken, the very second of that exhale, a bomb explodes again. You’re back to being confused. The cycle picks up right where it left off. You end up stuck between fearing your partner and loving who you know they’re capable of being. You tell yourself if you do better, they’ll try harder, and that version of the partner you fell in love will stay next time.

If any of this sounds familiar, what I’m about to say might hurt to hear, but it’s so important to know and be aware of. That version of your partner you’re chasing? They were never real. It was a beautiful, handcrafted bait made to lure you onto their hook. The love, the charm, the romance…. It was all part of the trap.

It never had anything to do with you not doing or being enough. You did everything you could, you did everything right. None of this is your fault. This is the cycle of narcissistic abuse. It’s designed to make you feel like you’re the problem. No matter how gently you spoke, how deeply you loved, how small you shrank yourself just to life them up- the bomb will always go off again. It was never about you or love, it was always about control.

You were never the problem, you were never the reason. You gave unconditional love to someone only capable of taking for themselves. Every beautiful quality you saw in them, came from you. The kindness, the empathy, loyalty and the depth. It was only a mirror; they reflected back a version of you to create a false sense of connection and safety, so you could feel seen, heard and wanted. The security was never real. They built a fantasy land for you, based on you and everything you want out of life.

Narcissistic abuse doesn’t leave the kind of bruises you can see with your eyes. It leave a wound much deeper, it bruises your mind, your heart, your soul. It takes every bit of who you are away from you, or at least it tries to. It leaves you confused, doubting yourself, and emotionally exhausted. It makes you question everything, especially yourself

Being on the receiving end of this type of abuse often leave you constantly second guessing yourself, overthinking, apologizing for things you didn’t do, feeling guilty for setting boundaries and protecting yourself. It makes you crave validation from the person who hurts you most. You lose trust in yourself, your feelings and your own intuition.

They have a way of convincing you that your pain is your fault. The truth is that isn’t not, it never was. Their behavior has nothing to do with love and everything to do with control. You’re not imagining any of it, you’re not “making it up” and you were never “too much”. You’re a human being who wanted to be loved deeply, they’re the ones who weaponized that.

Ask yourself: •Do I love who they were in the beginning and fear who they are now? •Have I felt crazy, dramatic, or hard to love since being with them? •Am I clinging to hope that one day, the “real” version of them will come back?

If the answer to any of those questions is yes, you’re not broken, you’re becoming aware, and this is where you can start to get some of your power back from them. Love shouldn’t hurt like this, it shouldn’t leave you hallow or questioning who you are. Love doesn’t make you have to beg for basic human respect, or to be seen and heard. Love is not a war zone, or a minefield. You are strong, you are worthy of real love, and the second you see that, you can stop pouring yourself into a well that was never meant to hold you.

They didn’t break you, they only twisted your reflection until you couldn’t recognize yourself, but behind it all, you’re still here, you’re still whole, you’re still you, and they can never take that away from you.

Here is just a couple small things you can do to reclaim your power: -Start saying no when you want to say it, and mean it. -Trust your own memory over their version of what happened. -Recognize your ‘softness’ as strength, not weakness. -Subtly switch the tone of your voice to a more certain, confident tone. No more asking for permission to feel.

These are just small ways. They’re not loud, and not always noticeable, but it’s real. Power is making the decision to choose yourself, even when your heart still aches for the version of them that never truly existed.

You don’t owe them or anyone an explanation, you don’t have to make anyone believe you. You know your truth, and you’re taking back what should’ve never been taken from you in the first place. That is your power.